Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 33. The day was pretty horrible.
The fact that it was bad had nothing to do with my age. I love getting older. I’m a believer that age is a good thing in general, and for me specifically, because with each year I know more than I did before and I also let go of more things that mattered when I was younger. Getting older, for me, equates liking myself and my place in life way more than I did in my 20s.
Having said that, I made a mistake this year. I spent so much time asking everyone else to forget about it and not do anything for me that I sort of forgot to give my day the attention it deserved from ME.
I don’t like to publicly make a big deal of my birthday. While I’m grateful for the well wishes of my friends and family, I didn’t want a workplace thing because I think that’s awkward for the people who don’t know me. I’m also not a fan of being the center of attention.*
I wanted to celebrate my birthday inwardly though. I wanted to do something nice for myself. I wanted to reflect and enjoy my existence. Instead, I got depressed and angry and irritated. I took everything personally. When plans changed for something later in the week, I instantly went on the defensive and took it as a slight against me (it wasn’t). I spent the day wanting to cry (and did cry a couple times).
There was no excuse for it. Yes, certain things on a daily basis irritate me, and I have at least one bad day a week (this one is a two-day stretch), but I think so much of what was “wrong” with me yesterday had to do with the whole birthday concept. I went from not caring to caring too much, from not wanting people to do anything for it to suddenly being mad that no one did. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I think people do that a lot. Even though we know we’re being whiny/angsty/overemotional, we just keep doing it. I wallow in my emotions more than I should, and I think I was just taking that to a new level.
I did end the day on a good note. The Felbster and I went out for dinner** then relaxed at home. I had a good conversation with my brother and played on the internet until bedtime, and I had some nice texts from my family wishing me a good day.
And, to be completely honest, I’m actually planning my “Me” day for this coming Friday when I take my day off work. I’ve planned a gym class, a dentist appointment,*** and a trip to the theater to see “The Avengers.” So while part of me feels like I wasted yesterday, I know in reality that I still get to have a day where I connect with myself in the way I originally wanted to.
*The exception to this is when I’m in “comedian” mode and I want everyone to laugh at me. But in that case I get to decide when and where I want all eyes on me. Also, I’d like to think I can tell when people want me to shut up. I guess I could be wrong about that, though.
**Dinner was good, though the fryer broke while we were at the restaurant, so I didn’t get fries. The salad I got instead was delicious, and I got a free birthday dessert, so it all worked out in the end.
***Most people would consider a dentist appointment a bad thing, but I love going, so it’s really just another perk to the day.